An Artist And A Vampire 
© 1996
by
William T. Anderson Jr.

CHAPTER I
Draft 0.01b

	Hello, my name is Bill...

	...looks like this guy is lost...

	I was...I am...I live...live?  I survive on the border of Chaos and Clarity...

	I thrive in the balance of Confusion and Order, a rebel with or without a cause...

	About right for January, I thought. Cold, wind tunnel on Atlantic Avenue. Fresh coat of ice on all the cars' windows. Struggling to concentrate on business, for a change. Things haven't been as bad as the first band breakup, but still...it's been more than a year and yet...I picked up the 25 dollar guitar the other day and made a million bucks worth of music in just a few minutes. I still had the touch.

	I might have been a good vampire, but for the taste of blood, I care not at all.  But as for Carl, he seems to enjoy not only the ritual itself, but revels in the hunt. I liked the snow in winter as a child, but after living on the streets for some time in my youthful days, I have never much cared for cold weather. Carl says that the cold weather stimulates sexual desire. I have found this to be somewhat true, however, I still loath the cold.

	She told me the night that I transformed that I would feel no pain, but Adelaide was wrong. Like the city she took her name from, she shined as an autumn gloriously painted with decaying life...but still, she was wrong. Perhaps in her own transformation had she found such freedom, but in my own....

	We met on an outback expedition...you know, it's funny; to this day people believe that vampires must avoid the sun, when in reality, that is a myth that belongs to canus lupus, the werewolf.

	That aside, it was unusually hot, for August, in Alice Springs the first morning out, so everyone dressed rather light for the days' travel. She was wearing a very short white miniskirt with a plain cotton shirt barely buttoned and tied about her midriff, when I first saw her. Her dark hair lay casually tousled about her shoulders and about halfway down her back, her eyes hidden by stylishly small sunglasses. I guessed that she was probably in her early 30's. And she must have had the most alluring lips I have ever seen, not that she wasn't exceptional in every other way, but her lips shouted desire to me so personally and so insistent......almost as if she were directing some sort of mesmer at the core of my innermost desires.

	I am usually quite shy when it comes to women, but I was compelled to strike up some sort of conversation with her, so I started trying to figure out how to break the ice. My mind immediately went into maximum overdrive working on a plan.

	My thoughts shattered moments later as our tour guide started his schpeil by directing us to the two all-terrain vehicles that would be our transportation into the outback. As he spoke, I couldn't help but think this guy had simply memorized the tour brochure, as his words seemed to vaporize in the hot, dry morning air. Perhaps it was just his delivery, but I kept getting the distinct feeling this guy just wanted to go lay in the sun somewhere, rather than guide a bunch of tourists into the hot, blank expanse of the outback.

	I was still recovering from his interruption as we slowly began moving towards the vehicles. As her name, Adelaide Foster,  was called, my heart sank as I realized that she would be riding in the first ATV, and I would be riding in the second. At least this would give me the rest of the morning to think of what I would say to her, though I would have rather just started cold and gotten her rejection over with. That way I could have enjoyed looking at the scenery while we rode to our first lunch stop. Instead now I watched ahead for every glimpse of the forward ATV, watching her hair blowing in the breeze, or hoping to catch her looking back to see how we were doing. Somehow, I managed to doze off.

	Carl always likes to remind me that you should abide by your instincts. He says that when you undergo transformation, your base instincts are heightened a hundred fold. Sometimes I feel he is right, but still I have trouble following every instinct without some hesitation. Perhaps there exists some basic flaw in my character which prevents me from letting go completely, but I believe that intellect and instinct in balance are a far more effective weapon than either alone. Of course, I hadn't known Carl then, and I'm reasonably sure that it would not have changed a thing. It's a shame that he doesn't play any musical instruments. I've often thought that I would be able to teach him to sing, if he had the desire. It figures. The most dedicated and reliable person(?) I've ever known, and he can't play a goddamn note!

	It has just recently started to hit home for me, but being a songwriter and a vampire don't mix. So now I have to look forward to the next few thousand millennia, with no hope of ever reaching my audience. If Adelaide had known the implications of her dark lust, would she have spared me? Would it have mattered? I'll never know now, but there will always be this nagging doubt........no pain, indeed! Perhaps she never felt that strongly about anything, but I can't say for sure. And I do still love her. And I have written so many beautiful songs because of her. She would always become sad whenever I would mention this. She said that it was in spite of her that I had produced such ‘wonderful works of art’. That the beauty had come from within me. Those are her words. So Carl wins this argument for now, but my instinct tells me she wasn't destroyed in that fire and I will see her again. And I do still love her......madly.

	I don't ordinarily sleep while traveling on land, but I am also not a morning person. I don't remember my dreams, as a general rule, and the times when I did and wrote them down looking for secrets to unlock, I found them to be impenetrable to any logical analysis. This dream was quite another story. As I found myself drifting back to the world from my nap, this one came up and grabbed me and held me. And my instincts were telling me that I don't sleep while traveling on land ......

	The sunglasses were gone and I stared into blood-red eyes that I was sure could not have been hers. Then she spoke to me, and she said "there will be no pain for you, my love". And there was a loving, caring quality to her voice that could never have gone with those eyes. But what did she mean, ‘there would be no pain...’? I awoke just before I whacked my head on the roll bar as the ATV careened into a dry gully that must have very recently been added to the terrain of the road, and came to an abrupt halt. Well, it wasn't really a road, more like a well worn track or path. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, every fraction of a second was a distinct experience. It's a good thing they have roll bars on these vehicles, or I might have landed head-first in the back of the first ATV.

	Needless to say, my head hurt like hell. No pain, indeed!

	Quite awake now, I was wondering why we hadn't started moving again. I checked my watch, and it was still at least an hour until our scheduled noon picnic. The aussies were very fond of this word, as if it implied some religious ceremony without which their lives would be incomplete. So while I looked forward to this picnic, having partially succumbed to the enthusiasm the guide had imparted this particular word, I was anxious to move on. I also was so distracted I almost didn't notice that Adelaide had begun moving towards me, while removing a white linen cloth from her pack. As she neared the vehicle, she wet the cloth from a canteen which she carried on a strap over her shoulder. I tried my best to ignore her, as I hadn't yet decided how to approach her, but she came directly towards me. And she came right up to me, and reached out with the cloth and touched it to my forehead as she asked in a caring voice "are you all right? I saw you hit your head when we stopped and was worried you would be thrown from the car."

	I was caught so off guard, all I could say was "it's not a car, it's an ATV." The red flags started going up almost immediately as the words stupidly exited my lips.

	But she was still wearing those sunglasses, and she didn't even seem to hear what I had said, and she moved closer and whispered, "My name's Adelaide, Adelaide Foster, but you can call me Addy. What's your name?".

	"Mud." I muttered, trying to recover after the ATV comment, but I'm not certain she even noticed. As she removed the cloth from my forehead, I noticed that it was soaked with fresh blood. I must have passed out then because that was the last thing I remember until I awoke that afternoon.

	My eyelids flared red as I struggled to adjust my eyes to the midday sun before I pried them open. It was a red like the core of a mighty furnace, like the blood of a thousand corpses, whispered a voice in my head. As I started to recall the dream I had been having before the accident, the image still vibrant in my mind, I could not shake those eyes. They stared at me from an abyss of swirling emotions, of repressed cries for mercy. And yet they totally belied the sweet, caring voice that came from her throat. The mind is a strange device, mostly misunderstood, and misunderstood most by those who seek understanding. And my mind was telling me there was a danger. Hindsight being 20/20, I also realize now for this very reason that knowing one possible future does not guarantee success in any other, because each decision we make changes every other variable that follows. What this means is that we can never go back and change things based on specific learned knowledge, because this knowledge could not have been gained in any other way than through actual experience. So even if we could travel back and relive parts of our lives based on our current knowledge and experience, the net effect would be the same, because we would travel along ever different paths with ever different outcomes, learning something new from each, yet essentially traveling in a circle. It is when we attain what we seek not, that truth and knowledge are passed into our consciousness. This is the paradox of time. This is also the paradox of the vampire. For had we not become what we are, could ever the truth of our existence be known. Mere words do not suffice.

	The first thing I noticed as I opened my eyes was that we had not moved very far from the site of the accident. Apparently the first vehicle had been damaged as I heard some voices nearby discussing the merits of sending the undamaged ATV back to Alice Springs for spare parts and a rescue helicopter. A rescue helicopter? Had I been that badly injured? One rather sleazy looking fellow, the level of his voice above all of the others, was jabbering about all the money he had spent getting here and how they should have radios in the ATV's, when Adelaide said to me "I think this guy is a real asshole." The sleazy guy gave a sharp glance in her direction. Now the word asshole, while I don't object to any woman using this word, changed my whole approach to her. With that one word, I instinctively felt that she was letting her guard down, leaving herself open to any conversation I would care to engage her in. But I do believe she had made an enemy of the sleazebag for sure. I also could tell from the accent and inflection of her voice that she might have originally been from the east coast of the United States, maybe New York or Philly.

	"What's going on?", I queried.

	"Jim, our driver, says that there's a problem with the transmission.", her voice was soft and tenuous, not quite a whisper. "The asshole, his name is Mr. Brent, is raving about how much money he's spent getting here, and insists that the undamaged ATV move on to the cattle station, and telephone for parts and a rescue helicopter from there. The driver and the guide are no help and they are undecided on which is the best course of action." As she paused  to take a deep breath, I couldn't help but notice that she was still wearing her sunglasses. I kept having flashes of those eyes in my dream, but it was unfair to assume that, I mean it was just a dream.

	"From what I have been told, there is a cattle station about 200 or so kilometers further up the road," her lips seemed to catch fire in the sweltering heat, "and that they have a telephone. I've insisted you be taken back to a hospital in Alice, but the guide and the driver both are against moving you over this type of terrain in your condition." I wondered why this strange woman had taken such a personal interest in me. I mean, I consider myself particularly handsome, but I also have a huge ego! And there was more to it than that. I had the strangest feeling she had chosen me for something. It was just instinct, mind you, but it was there like a little kid tugging at the back of my shirt crying - mister, mister! 

	"Buck, the guide, insists that it would be a shorter ride back to Alice, where they could dispatch a helicopter to take you to the hospital, and send another ATV for the rest of us. Jim says that the cattle station is closer, and that a helicopter could just as easily be dispatched by telephone. This has been going on for about half an hour", she concluded. 

	I felt myself starting to black out again but at that very moment, Adelaide lifted her canteen to my lips, almost as if she had sensed exactly what my body required and had instantly moved to satisfy that need. I shook off my body's desire to collapse again, and forced the words through my lips, "I didn't mean to correct you before...."

	She cut me off, "I don't know what you think you said to me, Bill, but as far as I'm concerned...."

	Her voice trailed off and faded away as  I began to lose consciousness.....

	She had said my name! How could she have known my name? I didn't remember telling her my name. And the dream came back, and it was her face. And those eyes were hers!

	And me with my overactive imagination, I thought. Paranoia! It was only just a dream, after all. I couldn't even begin to try analyzing this dream, as all my previous attempts had failed miserably. She might have gotten my name from the guide, or from one of the other passengers. It was silly of me to be like this. And she was being so nice to me. Too nice a voice inside my head slightly echoed. But I am at times a reasonably nice person, why wouldn't she be nice? Perhaps she hadn't heard the comments I had made earlier. Perhaps she did, but chose to ignore them or gave them no import. All of these thoughts disappeared as I fell into the abyss...........

	It was late in the day when I finally regained consciousness. My mind was still a haze, and my eyes ached as I pried them open once more in an effort to gauge my surroundings. The sun was just over a small ridge that extended to the northwest. The sky was taking on that magical quality that it always seems to have as the earth slowly spins itself away from the sun. As I opened my eyes completely, I noticed that one of the vehicles was missing, or at least not in the place I last remember seeing it. I slowly scanned the area to see if it could be found, but it looked as though a decision must have been made as to what course of action would be taken. I guessed that I had been unconscious for several hours now, so it would be a logical assumption.

	I then began looking around to see who was still here. The guide, Buck I think Adelaide had said his name was, had remained behind to set up camp and watch after us. There was a younger couple from San Francisco, perhaps in their late 20's or early 30's. Her name was Helen I think, and I wasn't sure of his, but I believe it was George or Greg. There was another couple, in their late 50's I think but very fit, and I couldn't remember their names as they had been traveling in the first ATV. The guy Adelaide had called an asshole was nowhere to be seen. There was a fellow in his 30's with lots of camera equipment. I knew this guy must be a pro, because the stuff he had was unusual. In Halliburton cases, and all. He appeared to be in no particular hurry, either, which I felt was somewhat strange, but hey; I'm an artist also, and we tend to be just a little eccentric....

	It was then that I noticed that Adelaide was nowhere to be seen! This woman had been attending to my every need, I thought for sure she would have remained to care for me. But I was surely assuming too much. She did not, after all, have any obligation to me in any way, shape or form. I was simply being arrogant in assuming she would remain.

	I felt a loneliness right then, as if a vital part of me was missing. As if I could no longer function without her presence. Like there were some inner hunger which could only be sated by her attentions. And the world ceased to revolve around the sun and instead, revolved around her. I could not believe the thoughts I was having! I mean, I hardly knew this woman, yet it seemed as if a maelstrom of undeniable passion had sprung forth within me as though we'd been lovers for years! I tried to regain my composure long enough to ask someone else what had happened while I was unconscious.

	"Excuse me", I tried to get the guide's attention.

	A familiar voice behind and to my left threatened, "you better be real sick, pal." I remembered that voice. As I sat erect and turned I saw the face of the man I had heard arguing with Buck and Jim earlier, barely 12 inches from my face, and practically breathing down my neck. He appeared to be grimacing, but my eyes were still adjusting to the light and my head was pounding fiercely, so I could not be sure.

	"Why don't you go start a cookfire, Mr. Brent", I heard a voice that must have been the guide's.

	As he reluctantly rose to comply with Buck's request, he kicked some dirt at my back and whispered his threat again, "you better be real sick."

	"He's just angry because I wouldn't let him ride in the other ATV with Jimbo and Miss Foster." As I turned, the guide casually stooped to his knees so that I would not have to get up. "It looks like the forward halfshafts on the ATV are bent from that impact we had earlier" he continued.

	"Couldn't we just pull the halfshafts and move on?" I asked. Being a fairly good mechanic myself I thought for sure this would be possible.

	"No chance, mate. If you do that on these vehicles, the seals will 'pop' and all the gear oil'd leak out" he said with certainty. "We had trouble with the ATV radios last week, so they all got pulled for service" he paused as he reached into his pack, "we got these portable ones, but this one seems to be having some trouble." He stopped talking as he attempted to get a signal on the walkie-talkie he had removed from his pack. "This is Ben Grady to anybody, over....." static hissed on the wireless. There was no response. He tried several different settings on the unit, with similar results.

	"Ben Grady.." I started to say, but he cut me off.

	"Everyone down under calls me Buck, I just use my given name for official sorts of reasons..." he trailed off and started to walk towards Mr. Brent before I could ask him about Adelaide.

	Why did she go with the driver? Why no one else? How long would we be stranded in this desolate spot? But my head was still pounding, and these questions were making it worse, so I decided to relax for a few minutes and collect my thoughts. I should try to stand and see how I feel, I thought. This was probably not a good idea, I quickly found as I collapsed on the ground only a few feet from where I had tried to stand up. Luckily, I didn't hurt myself any further, but my head was now pounding even worse than before! I heard a shout, and within a few seconds Helen, the woman from San Francisco, had rushed over to see if I was okay.

	"I'm so sorry, sir! I wouldn't want anything else to happen to you", she said with a genuine look of concern on her face. "You just stay right there and let me help you", she continued. "Greg!", she shouted to her husband, "bring me some water, would you?". She reached into a pack a foot or so away and withdrew a small patch of white cloth, which she folded as she turned to greet her husband. He was an average sort, about 5'9", with a slim, athletic physique. She also was rather athletic, a few inches shorter than he and quite attractive, in a very natural sort of way. They seemed to have a glow about them as they spoke to each other and I guessed they had been just recently married. I also presumed that they were very outdoorsy kind of people, and that camping out like this was just their style of getaway. We would probably have much in common, I thought.

	"I think that Addy would kill me if I let anything happen to you while she was gone." Helen went on to say. "The way she fussed about leaving without you. Have you known each other very long?" she asked.

	"Not very." was all I could say without painting myself into a corner. Thoughts were racing through my brain. Addy would kill her? She fussed about leaving me? Why? Here was another woman I hardly knew, and she was imparting such meaning to a relationship that didn't even exist, yet.

	"You're very lucky to have a woman like her" a man's voice spoke. "Hi. My name is Greg Miller. We met briefly before the tour departed." He extended his hand and I raised mine to shake it. I've always felt there were certain things you could immediately tell about someone, just from shaking hands with them. Greg's handshake was firm, but in my weakened condition I was hardly able to match his grip and I winced slightly from the encounter. He withdrew quickly and started to apologize when I waved him off and smiled. "My wife told me that you haven't known each other very long" he continued while casting a smile in her direction. "I would've guessed you had been friends for quite some time, the way she spoke about you" he concluded as he walked over to help the others prepare some food.

	Now I was really confused. What the hell was going on here? "How long have they been gone?",  I asked Helen, who was preparing the cloth with some water and something else she had removed from her pack.

	"Oh, about two hours I think" she replied without turning to face me. "Addy insisted she go along with Jimbo", she paused momentarily, "Addy said she used to be a registered nurse and that she would be able to assist the doctors with any information they might need about you or your injury" she finished as she lifted the cloth to my forehead. It stung as she touched my head with that cloth, and I reeled. Quickly she grabbed my arm, preventing me from slamming my head on the ground, though my momentum almost made her fall on top of me.

	"Which way did they go?" I asked, trying to regain my equilibrium.

	"They went toward the cattle station. Jimbo and Buck finally agreed after checking the map that it was probably about 80 kilometers closer than Alice Springs. I don't really know how far that is, but Greg says it's about 50 miles. He's pretty good at those kind of things, you know." I sat silent and let her apply the ointment to my forehead. It no longer stung the wound, but seemed to cool it. To my questioning glance, Helen replied "Oh, it's Aloe. That's what feels so cool. It's also supposed to promote healing. That's quite a gash you have there, you know." I was grateful for any comfort and I thanked her before I set my head on a pile of clothes she had made into a pillow for me. I closed my eyes for a few minutes to collect my thoughts.

	No sooner had I shut my eyelids, and there she was again......and those eyes! I frantically reached out to be conscious, awake. I opened my eyes to a sky filled with more stars than I've ever before seen in my life. The leaves of a nearby eucalyptus tree flashed alternately with ochre and crimson shadows from the cookfire perhaps 10 or 12 meters away, as they were tossed about gently by the warm spring breeze. Scents of broiling meat, probably lamb, wafted by occasionally mixed with other scents familiar and not so familiar. I smelled onion and garlic and others which defied my analysis. A figure approached and I recognized Helen as she held out a tray with some food on it. I had been so distracted by all the other events of the day, I had forgotten how hungry I was! Even before she handed me the tray, I found myself nearly salivating at the delicious aroma that came from it. Normally I am a very slow eater, but I attacked the food she had brought with such vigor that it brought an elaborate smile to her face.

	"I'm so glad you're feeling better!" she exclaimed, her smile animated by the dancing flames of the fire. "I was afraid you would sleep through the night without taking any nourishment." My hunger had taken over and I simply nodded as I ravenously tore at the meat. For an instant I had a flash, those eyes...., but my hunger had taken over completely, and I consumed as I never have before. There were still questions I wanted to ask Helen, but my hunger was incredible and I did not wish to arouse much suspicion concerning my relationship with Adelaide. Hell! I don't even have a relationship with this woman! But the way everyone here talks, it's as if we're lovers! What the....

	My train of thought dissolved as Buck wandered over to where I was eating and started to speak, "Well, I just got through explaining this to everyone else, now I'm gonna tell you. We're likely to be here all night before help arrives and there's quite a few poisonous snakes in this area, so I'd suggest we all move our bedrolls nearer to the fire." There seemed to be a hint of great annoyance or concern in his voice, that I couldn't quite pin down, almost fear. Since I had been unconscious most of the day, I was at a loss as to why this might be, as he concluded "I plan to take a watch until 2 A.M., after which Helen's husband, Greg has volunteered to take watch until sunrise." As he started to walk back towards the fire, I wondered why he felt there needed to be a watch. A man would get pretty bored looking for snakes. Or edgy. Or both. Good chance he would fall asleep anyway. My mind randomly explored other possibilities while I gorged myself on the remaining food that Helen had brought me.

	After I had finished the last scraps that remained on the tray, I decided I would try to stand up. But this time I would have help close at hand should I not succeed. My head was no longer pounding, and after eating all that food, I was feeling much better. I called over to Helen, explained to her what I needed and she wandered off to find Greg. I collected myself and tried to get a lay of the terrain, what little I could see of it in the dark, moonless night. A thought occurred to me right then. This was the dark of the moon on the middle night of spring. An event that occurs only once every 1532 years, I remember reading somewhere. I often think of very obscure events such as this, though I have never figured out why. But this particular event struck me as having some further significance than just that simple fact. I just couldn't remember what it was. Oh well, probably nothing important anyway.

	I could make out the ridge to the northwest, which I had seen earlier, and this was the most prominent geological feature that I could see. Our campsite lay in an area sparsely populated with a few eucalyptus trees and numerous large patches of scrub grass. Nearer to the fire there was a scattering of small to medium sized boulders, probably washed down from the ridge by numerous short, but fierce rainstorms. This type of weather was also the most likely cause of the damage to the road which had caused the accident, I reasoned. Mr. Brent had built his cookfire on an outcropping of  rock. The sandstone beneath it had been washed away by long years of this type of weather. It looked almost like a blazing finger pointing to some forgotten destination far off into the desert. The outcropping did however, afford a perfect height for cooking food. Down towards where the crippled ATV was parked, the shadows from the scrub grass cast long, thin fingers into the night, animated by the breeze and the random bobbing of the flames. This turned the blank terrain into an impromptu tapestry of  moving lights in stark contrast to the immutable permanence of the stars. Occasional ruffling of the scrub nearby would most likely indicate some sort of rodent or reptile sneaking or slithering through the night in search of sustenance. Not much could be seen to the east, as the meager light from the fire revealed little. I thought that I had seen small rolling hilltops far off to the south earlier,  but I was barely conscious at the time......

	I heard footsteps and voices, and as I turned I saw the faces of Helen and her husband, Greg. "Helen tells me you're ready to go hiking!", he chuckled as he delivered his one-liner. I managed a slight laugh as I accepted his outstretched hand. As I started to rise, he gave a strong tug on my arm, causing me to surge upward. I felt a sharp stab of vertigo as I stood fully for the first time since this morning. Stars swirled for an endless moment before I knew I was blacking out again......

	I awoke to a flurry of excitement in the camp. I knew that I must have been carried, because I now lay less than 3 meters from the fire. I felt more than a little warm, and as I looked around curiously to see what the commotion was about, I was nearly overcome by another attack of vertigo. I  tried to relax so that I could settle my vertigo down to a soft dizziness. I could hear voices off towards the road, but I couldn't make out any bodies. I looked slowly around the camp to see if any of the others had remained, but there was no sign of anyone. The voices seemed to be getting further away, I thought. Why were they leaving me here? Something was wrong! I started to panic, but my head ached worse than it had before and the pain gave me a focus. I concentrated to focus my pain, to clear my vision. As my thoughts became more lucid, I realized that the voices had started getting closer. And I heard one especially calling my name. Even in my debilitated state I recognized her voice. It was Adelaide. But why was she here tonight? Certainly she would have waited at the cattle station until morning. And my vision was clearing, but still I could not see her. And my watch was missing, so I had no idea what time it was. As I heard her footsteps, I tried even harder to clear my vision. Then she was there, and the sunglasses were gone, and those eyes!! They were hers......

	This time I had only lost consciousness for a few minutes, and I woke to her stroking my hair while my head lay on her warm thighs. Even though I could barely move, a fire grew in my loins as I caught the scent of womanhood from her body. I had never felt anything like it! It was a tsunami of instantaneous desire that sent me reeling, as I tried to focus on some non-stimulating subject to steady my desire. Football usually works for me. If ever I feel myself losing control during lovemaking, I think about football and the focus returns. One always has to be careful in those situations, because you can also lose interest, though I knew it would not be so in this case. And yet still I had an overwhelming desire to rip off her panties with my teeth, and lick her moist waiting sexuality as if I were tasting the finest wine. I knew that if I did this, I would be lost, totally under her control. I was unwilling to let myself go such as I still hardly knew this woman. Besides, there would be no guarantee that she wouldn't slug me, and probably she would! And I wouldn't blame her. Really, Bill....

	At any rate, the football scheme eventually worked and my libido took a back seat to my curiosity. I hoped that I hadn't manifested my desire in a physical sense, as my erection would surely have been more visible in the shadows. Either way, it was too late to worry about such things. I needed information.

	Just as the focus was returning to my vision, I noticed that her legs had been badly bruised and I launched myself into a sitting position. Vertigo nearly took over, but I steadied myself with my concern for what had happened to her. As I looked at her face, I ignored the flaming red cast of her eyes, realizing now that it was just the light of the fire reflecting from them. I noticed several scratches on her cheek, as well as a dark bruise on her forehead. As I started to speak, she silenced me with a gentle look that told me she was about to explain what had happened, and why she had returned without the driver. At least I hadn't noticed him in the group that was now very closely arranged near the fire.

	"About 40 kilometers down the road, Jimbo starts grabbing my leg while he's driving", she seemed afire. "I kept trying to pull away, but he's got a hard-on and won't take no for an answer." I sensed she was near to hysteria as she continued, "So his hands are like, everywhere, and I'm struggling to keep him from touching me...", she stopped as tears welled up in her eyes and I reached out to hold her to me. She fell into my arms and clutched at me, crying uncontrollably.

	Buck interrupted, "Well, it's obvious that someone's gonna have to trek on foot over to the cattle station and let them know what's goin' on here." He stopped to look around at everyone in the group, excepting myself and Adelaide, giving each person a brief perusal. I could see from the look on his face, though, that he had already decided on who would accompany him. "If the other ATV is still operational, and we can find the keys, we should be back by noon tomorrow.” He began putting together a small pack of supplies as he continued, "If we have to walk to the cattle station, I figure it shouldn't take more than three days if we move at night and swiftly. I've chosen Greg Miller to accompany me, as I understand he's quite acclimated to this sort of trek." I had just started to ask Buck a question when he abruptly concluded with, "There is a very small possibility that another vehicle may pass this way, in which case you should attempt to move on. If someone does come and they have a radio, use it to contact the cattle station and alert them to our situation." I thought he had finished when he said, "We'll be taking the radio with us. It doesn't seem to be working here, but we might have some luck with it when we get beyond that ridge", he pointed to the northwest ridge I had seen earlier.

	As I pieced the whole of Buck's plan together in my head, I realized I had almost forgotten about Adelaide, who had fallen asleep in my arms. As I examined her visually, a warm, fuzzy feeling tingled gently up my spine, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. She was somewhat disheveled, not surprising after such an ordeal I would imagine. As my eyes slowly passed over the soft contours of her face, I had an overwhelming feeling for her. I felt that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever encountered. And while she wasn't wearing any lipstick, her lips were as moist and supple as I had ever dreamed a woman's lips could be. In fact, I don't believe she was wearing any makeup at all, yet every feature seemed perfect. And she had an innocence as she lay in my arms. I dared not move as I might disturb her slumber. And the last thing I would wish as I admired every small detail of her face, would be for her to awaken. She looked so peaceful......

	And I felt myself falling for her in a way that made me extremely uncomfortable. I still had no idea who this woman really was, and yet I felt a symbiosis with her that was far more than desire or lust. It was more akin to need, and this really scared me! Artists by nature are far more easily drawn into emotional states than the average person, but this was more powerful than anything I had previously experienced. I was afraid I would not be able to stop myself once I was on that path. I knew that I could easily lose myself, especially at this point in my life. I mean, I was already lost in a way.

	I had sold all my musical instruments back in Brooklyn to pay for this trip. I had broken up with my girlfriend, sent good-bye letters to all my friends and associates. I just figured on traveling around for a few years, and Australia had been my first stop. I had been wanting to come here for years, so I finally said "what the fuck" and did it. I was at a low point in my life, anyway, and I figured it was about time to chuck it all and try something new. I'd been struggling for years to make it in the music business, and I just got tired of watching inferior music and inferior musicians succeed based on the size of their bank account, while my works of art languished in obscurity. Piles of rejection letters from all the major labels and most of the indies, too. Blacklisted by the best local clubs. My obsession with perfection driving band members away. I could only take so much before my frustration reached a point......

	I got so wrapped up in my thoughts, I almost didn't notice when Adelaide opened her eyes. She smiled as she whispered to me, "there will be no pain for you, my love...." As her voice trailed off, she curled up closer and put her arms around me, hugging me with a power that belied her small frame. I had an incredible desire to kiss her just then, when she raised her head and pressed her lips against mine. The moistness of her lips as we kissed for the first time, was like a dream. It felt more as if my face were buried between her legs, licking and sucking as if her sexual fluids were the food that sustained  me. It was more exciting than anything I had ever experienced! I could barely contain my passion as I deliberately pulled away, fearing any involvement until I could satisfy my curiosity.

	There were still questions I needed to have answered. What was the rest of her story about Jimbo? Who was she? I wanted to know everything about her, but she was visibly worn and I certainly did not want to make it any worse by asking her a lot of questions, so I let it be. I was falling in love with this woman, and I knew nothing about her. I was not very happy about this. Every time I had allowed this to happen in the past, the results were disastrous.

	It's strange how most people measure the success or failure of their lives in financial terms, while I have always taken a deeper view. This inevitably has gotten me into trouble. And I was losing my objectivity. I was beginning to feel as if we had been lovers for years. When we kissed, there was no hesitation on my part or hers. It was a familiar kiss, as if she had known exactly how to please me, and that I were pleasing her in exactly the way she needed. And It felt so comfortable kissing her. I had forgotten all about everyone else as I dozed off next to Adelaide. Everything else could wait until morning.

	I slept as I'd never slept before that night. I had dreams, but none that I could remember, and none that resembled my dream of the previous day. I forgot all about the picture of her eyes I had seen in the dream as soon as I observed the fire reflecting in her eyes. And with every passing moment I became more lost.....

	When I awoke, the sun had not yet crested the ridge, which I could see now stretched for kilometers to the east and to the west. Though it rose only perhaps 180 meters at it's highest point, it effectively blocked the direct rays of the morning sun. It was quite a bit cooler than it had been the previous day. I guessed the temperature to be about 55 degrees Fahrenheit, which put a slight chill to my bones. Adelaide lay beside me, a quiet and peaceful look on her face. Like a child with no cares or fears in the world, so tranquil. Strange that she should be so calm after her ordeal with Jimbo. But we all deal with our traumas in different ways, so I forgot about it for now. I was really starting to feel the chill, so I grabbed a nearby blanket and covered the two of us with it. I wrapped one arm around her as I tucked the other to prop up my head. She smiled in her sleep, giving me enough satisfaction to once again shut my eyes. I wasn't ready to give up her warmth just yet.

	It was about 8 A.M., I suppose, when I finally felt ready to rise and see what could be had for breakfast. Adelaide must have gotten up a short time earlier, and she was already rummaging around our supplies looking for some food. "Good morning", she said lightly. Apparently I was mistaken about her calmness. Her voice nearly trembled as she spoke. "I was looking for some eggs, but it looks like we don't have any", a note of disappointment in her words.

	"Maybe I could find us some", I started to say, but she walked over to me and put her arms around me to give me a hug.

	She whispered "It's not important to try so hard to please me, my love...."

	Her words echoed in my brain, "..my love...". I started to ask her what she meant, but she was already moving to kiss me and I found her irresistible. I felt so much better today.

	"I've found some dried meat and some coffee, and I think I saw some yogurt in the cooler yesterday. I was just about to prepare some food for you and I to share", her voice was like music in the wind, so fragile, and yet so powerful. "After we eat, I want to look at your wound. I was worried that you might not regain consciousness, the way you hit your head yesterday."  There was such concern in the way she spoke to me, as though I were a vital part of her own survival. But I was reading much more into this whole situation that the facts would merit. I mean, she might just be heartbroken from some recent love affair gone bad. And I might just be a substitute. I was going to have to play this one very carefully. I needed to know more about her. And yet, everything about her felt so familiar......

	And her words kept echoing in my brain, "..my love.." And I wanted her so much......

	My fantasy exploded when I heard Mr. Brent say, in a very disturbing tone "feeling better, are we?" I whirled to find him standing a short way down the slope carrying what looked like a dead rabbit. As I turned to face him he shot me a glaring smirk, then turned and moved towards the cookfire with his catch. He reached into his back pocket and withdrew a Swiss army knife. He then proceeded to gut the rabbit, while Adelaide watched in disgust. As she turned away I thought for sure she was going to vomit from the pale look on her face, but she simply moved into my arms and hid her face in my chest and started to cry. We walked over to the ATV so that we would not have to share his company.

	I was still very hungry, but Adelaide had brought a pouch with some of the dried meat, which we both proceeded to devour. We both were eating so fast that we had to make fun of each other. And then we both laughed so hard that we spit out our food, though I don't have the faintest idea what we were laughing about. It was so uninhibited! I think I must have had an orgasm just from laughing with her. And she was so beautiful. I felt myself losing control......

	This was rapidly developing into an intolerable situation. I still knew nothing about this woman, yet I was falling so completely under her spell. And yet, isn't that the way love is sometimes? Just grabbing you entirely by surprise and turning your head upside down? What was I worried about? A dream? Was she not the most desirable woman I had ever seen? Did she not make me feel totally at ease with her? I was going to rationalize myself right into a padded cell! After all, didn't I come to Australia to get a new start? Haven't I searched my whole life for something that felt this complete, this perfect? Yet there was still that far off voice of warning deep inside......

	The wind blew across my face, and there was a familiar scent, though I could not place it. And as I looked downwind to see what it might be, I noticed the older couple walking up the road in the direction we had come from. They were lightly dressed and seemed to move with a great deal of vigor and enthusiasm. They were coming directly towards us. They were both smiling as they approached the ATV, and the woman shouted, "Hi, Addy!". And Adelaide turned slightly and her smile became animated as the couple came up to us.

	"Hi, Dorothy, how are you this morning?", Adelaide replied. She seemed to get along so well with everyone, excepting Mr. Brent, that I envied her. And that made me feel just a little small. I mean, we all have our good points and bad points, don't we? It just seemed to me that Adelaide had no bad points, at least none that I had seen. And I found that a trifle unsettling. Nobody could be that perfect. We are all flawed in some way or another. But I was just being paranoid again. She probably had some bad points, I just hadn't seen them yet. And if she didn't, just what the hell did she want me for?

	Everything whirled as I felt myself blacking out again. This time I fought back. When I recovered a few moments later, she was stooped over me, with that perfect look of concern on her face. And anger welled up in me like a fury, and I pushed her away. I stood up and walked toward the ridge. I wanted to be alone. But she followed me. And when I turned to chase her away, my anger dissolved and I pulled her to me and I wept. And I held her as if I would never let go. And she held me. And we wept together.

	Now, when I tell Carl about this, he starts laughing hysterically and won't tell me a fucking thing. If I had to pick his worst quality, this would be at or near the top of my list. No amount of coaxing will pry that secret from his soul, if he ever had one. And he just leaves me hanging. Makes me want to fucking rip his head off! I mean, this was one of the most profound moments of my entire life, and he thinks it's a fucking joke! I may actually rip his head off someday, and only re-attach it if he fucking tells me! I'll stick his head in a jar and laugh back at him! He'd probably just keep laughing, though. Christ! He would probably just keep laughing! I would end up killing the sonofabitch. And, however misguided he may be, I would not wish to kill him. It is I who am weak. I must accept my grief.

	There's another myth I'm going to shatter for all you vampire aficionados: vampires are almost indestructible! You can decapitate them, dismember them, whatever! It makes no difference. And there is only one way to kill a vampire. And I'm not going to tell you what it is. Just because we can survive all this abuse, though, does not mean we enjoy it. We still can feel pain. We still can feel remorse. We still can feel grief. A hundred fold. Immortality has it's price, after all. And we still can feel love. Most of all, we can feel love. Love like no mortal has ever felt, or will ever feel. This is the paradox of the vampire. And the ones we take are willing, or do not deserve the gift of life, or are already dying. And we do not victimize the weak as many would have you believe, that is something humans do much better.

	As we wept together on that morning I felt a completeness I had never dreamed possible. We were as one, my entire being reaching out to her. And I too felt this from her. And her voice echoed in my brain, "..my love..", and it meant something! And I too called to her, "..my love..". And we spoke without words having ever left our lips. And we kissed. And it was a kiss like, a kiss like no human has ever known. And the world stood still for moments uncounted, and still we kissed. And I felt so much better today......

	We took our time walking back the 100 meters, or so, to our camp. Everyone there smiled at us as we approached, except for Mr. Brent, who shot several angry glances our way. "Good morning!", Addy exclaimed as we came astride Helen, who was preparing some breakfast for herself. Mr. Brent grunted and spun around, heading for the ATV. Addy introduced me to the others, as she moved around and hugged each one. "This is Dorothy and Harold Crane. They're from Oregon.", she paused as she moved over to the photographer. I had almost forgotten about him. "And this is Joe. Joe is a freelance wildlife photographer." Joe nervously adjusted his spectacles and produced a tentative smile. "Joe's very shy", Addy continued, which made Joe blush. "And you all know my fiancee, Bill." She glanced pensively in my direction, but I simply smiled not wanting to cause any alarm amongst my fellow travelers. What Adelaide had said made me very nervous. Why would she have told them I was her fiancee? The way Helen had spoke yesterday, Adelaide acted as if she had known me for some time. How could this be? That little kid was tugging on the back of my shirt again - mister, mister!

	Adelaide and I needed to have a serious talk. God, I just met this woman and already we need to have a serious talk! I was painting myself into a corner again. How would Adelaide handle this? Could she be psychologically disturbed? And what about me? Could not the same question be asked of me? I mean, I was playing along with her. Didn't that make me just as culpable? I needed to get to the core of this problem, and soon, or else I would be knee-deep in shit before very long. And then she touched me, and I forgot all of these questions. A passion arose within me that I thought for sure would cause my heart to explode!

	And yet I had to control myself. Had I not left everything behind to avoid being involved with anyone? Why would I want to so completely engage myself at this point in my life? And yet these questions were moot. I had not talked to Adelaide about anything. I was unaware of any motivation she might have for this charade. And yet everything that she said, she had said with my consent. Had I argued with her about anything she said? Did I not, in fact, go along with her? I remember a Latin saying that when translated said something to the effect that 'he who is silent, has given his consent'. Had I not given my consent? Was I losing my mind? Had I escaped the confusion of the world, only to become trapped in my own world of confusion? I had a tremendous urge to run and just keep going. Yet it was this very urge that had brought me here to this place, now. Must I keep running? If that be the case must I not admit that I am running from myself? I felt suddenly strange and instinctively knew I was losing consciousness again......

	But this time I did not fall, though I could see my body drop to the ground. And everything took on a sharper quality, a higher contrast. But there was something else, an additional sense. I could hear sounds, aural sensations, that were unlike anything I had ever before experienced. It was as if I were hearing....no! I was feeling the intimate whisperings of the leaves and the rocks, the voice of the earth itself! And then Adelaide started to speak to me, though I could clearly see her attending to my fallen body, which lay before me on the harsh ground like a corpse. I could now see the gash in my forehead, which was quite a bit larger than I had thought. Strange, how I had forgotten all about my injury when I was with her. "There is something I wish to show you", she spoke in a voice which was very unlike the way she had spoken to me earlier. There was fire and anger in her voice this time, though I instinctively knew that it was not directed at me. As we wandered off together, she, her spirit(?) remained silent. She then motioned for me to look back from whence we had come. And I looked back and I saw her body walk off behind a group of large boulders, perhaps 100 meters from the campsite. I was confused. Was I dying? Was I already dead? It did not seem as if the wound to my forehead would cause death. Perhaps I also had a fever. I remember feeling rather warm. And I felt as if time had been accelerated, compressed. That time in this realm could be slower or faster than time in the real world. I found this to be quite a stimulating state, and it did not feel unusual at all.

	But then we turned and started moving back towards the camp, though we were moving faster now than if we had been walking. But we passed by the camp, and moved towards the point where I had last seen her body walking. As we approached a large group of boulders, I heard her crying. When she finally came into view, I could see her kneeling there, crying, and that asshole Brent about to stick his dick in her mouth! I was infuriated! Her clothes had been ripped and it looked as if there had been a struggle. "C'mon bitch, you know you want it", he slurred. "I seen you with that pansy. He ain't half the man I am!", he boasted. "You sluts really go 'fer them long haired pussies, don't ya", his voice was putrid, like the stench of a sewer. "I'm gonna let you suck a real man's dick!". I wanted to vomit. If only I were conscious, I would kill this pig with my bare hands! Then I noticed that Adelaide's spirit was no longer beside me! I was terrified! What was happening to me!? As far as I knew, I was dead! There was nothing I could do to help her! 

	My shock was interrupted by a kind of scream. It had a deep, metallic sound to it, not unlike the sound I imagine the Titanic must have made when she cracked in half on her way to the bottom of the ocean. It must have come from Brent, because I saw him start beating on Adelaide furiously. I was livid! But there was nothing I could do, I could not even move without her help. She must have bit the sonofabitch. Way to go, baby! But he would surely beat her to death. This was NOT a nice man! But he collapsed then for some reason, and his fists fell to the ground, and he had the most desperate look I've ever seen on a man's face before. And she turned to me as she stood over him and she said, "see this pitiful creature, my love..." Again her voice had that tender quality as she continued, "he dares threaten you", and as she said the word you, came a low thunder from the ground. And Brent was trembling like an abused child will tremble, cowering in fear of his life. And then I saw fangs and there was a flash.

	As I awoke from my nightmare, I had no trouble recalling every specific point about it. This was very strange. It was as if I had been awake the whole time, and yet here I was laying in about the same spot I must have fallen earlier. And Adelaide was next to me. She had changed her clothes and it looked as if she was crying. As I tried to clear my vision I noticed that Brent was nowhere to be seen. Ignoring any thoughts of my nightmare, I turned to Adelaide to comfort her. But when I looked at her, she was not crying anymore. Instead she had a wonderful little half-smile that let me know she was okay. I started to ask her what had happened but she silenced me and whispered inquisitively, "pleasant dreams, my love?". And as I gazed into her beautiful eyes, and they were those eyes, I was no longer afraid. I was overcome by emotion for her......

	I said that I was no longer afraid. But I still needed to understand. Had what happened in my nightmare been real? Where was Brent? Where the fuck was Brent! I'm going to kill the bastard! But it was only a nightmare, wasn't it? It couldn't have been real. No, of course not. It was just a product of my extremely fertile imagination. But if that was true, where was Brent? I saw her.....no, you had a nightmare. Brent is probably off hunting rabbits. BIG man.

	"I hope you guys are hungry", I recognized Dorothy's voice. "I used to be a gourmet cook, but I lost interest in almost everything a few years back", there was a sadness in her voice that was begging for someone to seek it's source.

	Being quite able to relate to such feelings myself, I asked her in a compassionate tone, "And what could have possibly happened to keep down such an obvious talent?".

	I had intended to cheer her up, but her voice took an even sadder note as she began to relate her tale, "Tricia, our daughter, was killed in an automobile accident. She had just turned 18, and was returning from a friends home when her car was struck by a oncoming vehicle. She was killed instantly." For a moment I thought she was going to cry, but instead she went on. "The driver of the other vehicle was a drunk, a chronic with a long history of alcoholism. There was a court battle, which he won because he had more money and better lawyers!", her voice reached a fever pitch, but she remained calm. Her husband looked sad as he dropped his head into his hands. "I'm sorry, Harry" she said, obviously realizing she'd hurt him.

	"It's all right, De", her husband said with a tone of remorse. "You see, I was the lawyer who lost the case", he paused as he drew in a deep sigh. "I was a real estate lawyer. Thought I was real tough.", the words croaked past his lips, as if the pain of their revelation were almost more than  he could bear. "I thought I would be able to learn all I needed to know before the trial. I was a man possessed! But I was hopelessly outclassed!", he started to cry. Dorothy observed him with a look of sympathy, but she continued her preparations. "I was so angry! I wanted to murder him! It was my undoing. They say a man who defends himself has a fool for a lawyer." He stopped crying and gained a small measure of composure as he resumed his tale. "Well, I was as big a fool as ever lived. I wasn't doing it for the money, you see. I wanted to make sure that he would never do this to anybody else’s son or daughter ever again! And I failed, miserably!" He threw up his arms and started walking off, and Dorothy dropped what she was doing to go after him.

	"There's no justice", said Helen in a surrendering tone.

	"If no one were to fight for justice, there would be even less!", I exclaimed angrily. This caught her by surprise, but almost at once I saw that she realized the truth of what I had said and accepted it.

	I knew from personal experience what this had meant. At the age of 7, I started learning firsthand of the injustices of our great legal system. And of the world. It was spring, I believe. We had moved to New York City from a small town upstate perhaps two and a half years before the crisis. My father had rented one of those big old colonial houses on Staten Island. I never cared for the place much. In fact, I hated it. There were places in that house, in the basement and in the attic, that just gave me the shivers. And the light at the top of the attic stairs was always blowing out. And even if I had to go up there in the daytime, I would get the chills as soon as I got halfway up the stairs! The basement wasn't nearly as bad, and I think it was the big, hairy spiders that were down there that scared me.

	But anyway, it was time for my baby brother to have his bottle, so my mother sent me to his room in the attic to fetch him. The light at the top of the stairs blew out when I flipped the switch, so I had to go into the dark. I was shivering, almost frozen before I reached the top of the stairs and went to turn on the light in the nursery, but it had blown out also. But in the dark I could see that something was terribly wrong. It looked as if my brother had a plastic bag over his head, which was filled with vomit! I  think I must have screamed then, just before I vomited. I heard my father running up the stairs then and there was a lot of commotion. I didn't know what was happening. A short time afterward, the police arrived. There was a great deal of activity all over the house that evening. There were uniformed police officers, as well as detectives. There were ambulance personnel. I don't remember how many people were there, but it was a lot. And the police questioned all of us. When they questioned me, I was very frightened. I think the detectives thought I had done it. When they were done questioning me, I went to talk to my mother. She took me into her bedroom and started to tell me a story. And she told it to me as if I were a brave knight. And as if I should save the damsel in distress. And then she told me that my sister had killed him. And then she told me that the police already thought I had done it. And then I did a what a brave knight should do. And I confessed to the police. And I told them that I had done it......

	From the 6th floor ward of Bellevue Hospital I watched and waited. Here I was surrounded by real sick kids. And their code of order was based on violence. And there were children from the age of 6 or 7, to brutally violent 15 year olds. And I was just a brave little boy from the country. And these kids were real criminals. And so I had to fight every day. And I was beaten and raped. And then one day the doctors told me that my mother had killed my baby brother. And still I would say that I had done it. And they ran all manner of tests on me. There were ink blots, and math tests. And they tested my hearing. And they gave me I.Q. tests. And they connected electrodes to my body. And I fought for my life when the teenagers tried to rape me. And they beat me. And still I would not admit to the doctors what had transpired between myself and my mother. And I would not say to them that I did not kill him. And then my mother was in the hospital, too. And I knew that it was true, yet still I would not recant. And my father would visit me every weekend. And he knew. Then one day I asked him why she would do this to me. I asked my father if I had been bad, or if I had done something wrong. And I kept thinking that it must be a bad dream, but it wasn't. And I wasn't a brave knight, I was just a patsy. My own mother had murdered my brother, then had let her only other son become the patsy for her heinous crime. How strong must her loathing have been for me.

	And then a voice inside my mind said, "learn to trust in me. I shall never betray you, my love..." And I looked at Adelaide, and she smiled. She must have heard everything I didn't say, because she moved to hold me and whispered, "you are my brave knight." She hugged me and I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders at that very instant. And I trusted her. I no longer felt like a patsy.

	And she brought me food. We shared what was left of the fresh lamb. We ate apples and raisins. There were baked potatoes and carrots. And then Mr. Brent came walking down from the direction I had last seen him in my dream. And he carried a dead rabbit in his hand, which he proceeded to gut and prepare for cooking. Something about him had changed, though. He looked rather pale in the afternoon sun, not at all like the redneck I had seen earlier. And there was a blank look in his eyes. Like he was in a trance, or something like that. I thought of approaching him, but then I noticed Adelaide had gone over to him and said something to him which I could not hear. When she glanced over at me, I thought I was going to lose consciousness again, but I steadied myself and was able to recover from my vertigo. When I looked up again, she had returned and was smiling at me. "Are you feeling okay, Bill?" Her voice was pure music to my ears. Every time she spoke to me now, it was a new experience. I had wanted to ask her about Mr. Brent, but she just smiled and I forgot my question. I felt that there was something she didn't want me to know just yet, so I just went with the flow and lay back to enjoy the sun. I needed to regain my strength anyway. I was feeling much better, but I knew that I was still not a hundred percent. And it was such a perfect afternoon. I wasn't even thinking about the fact that Buck and Greg hadn't yet returned.

	Mr. Brent finished preparing his fresh rabbit, and I'd swear I saw him licking the blood off of his fingers before he began to cook his prize. He remained silent though I looked him straight in the eye, and he didn't even flinch. Not a word, nothing. I thought to myself, now here's a guy who doesn't ever lack some wisecrack remark to say about anything, and he's quiet as a mouse. All of a sudden, like. And with that blank look on his mug. What the fuck? And what if my nightmare had been true? I saw her kill him. But he's standing here, alive from what I can see. No...it was just a dream. It couldn't be true. And I might still have a fever. That could be affecting my judgment. It was just a dream, I repeated to myself......

	"Isn't Mr. Brent acting a bit strange", Helen said in a quiet voice as she moved to sit across from me. "He hasn't hardly said a word since he went off this morning. And Addy says he's all right, but he looks so pale!" she almost raised her voice high enough for the others to hear. "And look at the way he moves, kinda stiff like he had arthritis or something." She became silent as she turned to study him.

	Her last two words rang in my head, '...or something'. I couldn't stop turning in circles. I couldn't believe my dream. There was no physical evidence. Or was there? I remember in my dream that Adelaide's clothes had been torn in the struggle. But the clothes I had seen her wearing this afternoon were different. Gone was the miniskirt and the flimsy blouse. Instead now she wore a light yellow cotton shirt, tied as had been the other, around her midriff and buttoned almost to the top. She was wearing a pair of jeans now, which fit her in an extraordinary fashion. Every supple line and curve was accented by the cut of the fabric. I had to concentrate to keep from being overwhelmed by her sexuality. However, there was nothing out of the ordinary about changing your clothes. I had been wearing the same clothes since yesterday, and now I too felt an urgent desire to change into some clean garments, and to freshen up. I hadn't had a shower in over 24 hours, and I had been sweating. My body odor has always been strong, and I did not want to offend Adelaide with my stench. I did, however, believe that using our drinking water to wash up would be rather extravagant and wasteful, so I opted for a wet washcloth and some soap. I naturally wanted to brush my teeth also, especially after all that garlic last night. And perhaps I could visit those rocks, just to satisfy my own curiosity.

	But then I reasoned that perhaps that wasn't such a good idea. Perhaps I should let Adelaide tell me in her own time. Perhaps not! If she had something to hide, then why wouldn't she trust me? She said to me before, ‘..trust me..’ But if I do that, shouldn't I be a little more informed, a little more careful? What harm would it do for me to find out? I decided to take a walk.

	I hadn't noticed anyone following me up the slope towards the rocks, but I turned around when I heard her stumble. Helen had wandered after me, wondering what I was up to. I knew nothing would be served by arousing suspicion, so I called to her and told her I was going to change and freshen up and could I please have some privacy. She blushed and apologized for being so nosy, then said something about wanting to make sure I would be all right. I assured her that I would not collapse without first notifying her of the blessed event, and she giggled like a teenage girl as she turned and trotted back towards the campsite. I was on a mission.

	As I got within 10 meters of the rocks I heard a shout from the campsite. I turned and saw Adelaide running furiously up the slope towards me. She seemed very distressed, and kept shouting something that sounded like it was in a foreign language, but I couldn't recognize it. As she was still a good 30 meters away, I quickly decided to jog the last few steps to the rocks to see what I could see. Before I took three steps, Brent stepped out from behind the rocks. And he was holding her torn blouse! I went ballistic! I lunged forward to knock him to the ground. He just stood there motionless. When I hit him he simply fell to the ground and lay there with that blank look on his face the whole time. And my fists repeatedly bashed and wailed at his face and his fat belly. And he just lay there with that blank stare. What the fuck?

	"Stop this now!", her voice commanded me. I was frozen. I could not move. I could not even blink my eyes. She grabbed my arms from behind and pulled me to my feet. She led me another five meters to a medium sized boulder and sat me down. She then relaxed her grip, and spoke to me. "Please do not be angry with me my love. I did not realize your feelings would be so strong, so soon.", the sweetness of her voice had returned.

	"I would have done the same even if I did not care for you", I replied. This was the truth. Men who do such as this slimeball had done, were nothing more than garbage.

	"It would not please me to have to love you from behind prison walls", she paused as she kissed my cheek, "And he is better than dead now, he is mine!" But my anger was still there, and he had raped her! But she was right. He was better than dead now. He was her puppet. Sapped of will or desire for anything save what she told him to do. And my dream had been real. But it no longer mattered. I was hers also to do with as she pleased, I thought. "No. You are free to decide. I cannot control you, though I will love you to the ends of the earth."

	Then you must answer I thought.

	But now she replied in her real voice, "Ask any question. I shall give you the truth."

	The tone her voice had taken had become stern. I assumed that this meant she would answer my questions, but that she was not totally willing.

	"There is danger in your questions", she replied.

	"Life is dangerous", I quickly added.

	"You may not like what you find, my love..."

	I always love when people say this to me because I don't care. It is they who are afraid of the truth. The truth is like that. Sometimes it's not going to be pretty, what you want to hear. But the truth still is the truth. And it is better to know the truth than to live a lie. And if the truth hurts, so be it. It simply validates your existence. Because life is painful. Unless you live in denial.

	"What about the dream I had earlier?", I asked her.

	"All that you saw was real, my love", she replied. And her voice had returned to it's former tenderness. "There is naught I would not do for you, beloved, for I am bound by the dictates of my heart", she took a deep breath before continuing. "I have watched you for a long time. I know that you have not been unfaithful to your women, and that you have treated them with love and respect. I also know that none of them could ever deserve you. I know that you have given far more than you have ever received. I have admired your art for years. How could I not have fallen in love with you?" She turned away, as if she were ashamed by the words she had said but before I could answer, she continued, "And your heart is so pure.."

	 I had to stop her right there, "my heart isn't so fucking pure!"

	But she went on, "your modesty shames me, beloved. I do not deserve you." And she turned and started walking towards the camp. And without a sideward glance, beckoned what was left of Brent to follow her. Without a breath, he rose to his feet and stiffly followed her. It seemed as though he were more stiff than before, but I couldn't be sure.

	I was wallowing in my own quagmire. She had taken Brent and turned him into a tool for her command. Not that this was any big deal to me, save that I wanted to kill him myself. He was already dead. I knew that. He did not deserve any better after what he had done to her. And I remembered what she had said when he was there cowering before her, in all her power and majesty. She had said 'he dares threaten you!' She had not killed him in cold blood for herself, to avenge what he had done to her. She did it to prove something to me. I was not sure what she was trying to prove. Was she honoring me by exposing and routing a possible enemy? Or was she just showing off her power? This guy Brent was really no threat to me. I thought it a minor incident when he had threatened me. I certainly gave it no great import. Yet she seemed infuriated by this. There had to be more to the story than this. You cannot make informed decisions in a vacuum.

	I wish Carl could be more objective about my situation. Carl has never loved anyone, nor has he ever been loved by anyone except me. I have never expected anything in return from him for this, of course, which he still cannot understand. He is lucky, I guess. I miss Adelaide so much sometimes, I don't think I can go on. But Carl will not kill me, even though I have begged him to end my misery. He calls me a fool and laughs. Then he leaves me to my sorrow while he makes his rounds. He does not know this, but I have seen him watching me. He always makes certain I am docile before he goes off. But he does not understand. He only understands his hatred. And I too understand his hatred. And the peoples of the earth shall ever suffer for their vile and selfish ways. For vampires are not creatures of the dark one. We are but the forgotten and ridiculed. We are the unloved and unwanted. We are the scorned and the lonely. We are the ignored and the shunned. We are the ravaged and the abused. We are the meek! And for those of us who love....for those of us who love, our love is pure and untainted. Our love is undying and forever devoted. Once we have chosen and given our love, can nothing tear us asunder. Until death do us part. These words are sacred to the vampire. And the things that do bond us in our undying love, do also bind us, as we are unchanging in the base of our souls. And that is on what we base our love. It is based on the self, and when two perfect souls blend in self, there is nothing lost. But each does become more than it was, and it shall ever be so. And in this sharing is a total freedom of the self, exalted in it's own perfection. And more perfect still within the perfect union. This is the paradox of the vampire.

	I sat there alone for what must have been an hour or more, totally still. I tried to recall every single detail of the last 36 hours to try and gain some perspective. But it was useless. I could think of nothing but Adelaide. I was shocked by her prowess and amazed at her honesty. I have known few people that could face the truth with such dignity. And she was not evil. No. She was defending herself. She was defending my honor. She had become my brave knight.

	This was the first time in my life that anyone had taken such a personal devotion to me. My mother certainly never cared. My father only half cared. And I hardly knew her. But she had been watching me! I felt a bit angry at this particular piece of information, but I was determined not to be angry just on principle. I had been doing this for the past several years in my former life and I have not found it to be an effective methodology. I needed to be more objective. I needed to find out more about her. Was she truly a woman I would admire, both intellectually and emotionally? I already had garnered a certain respect for her after her performance against that pig! I was still livid whenever I thought of him touching her! The lousy piece of filth! But she had taken him, and I had no qualms about the method or the reasons. He had deserved no better. But I needed to know more. I could not judge her based on the information I possessed, if I could judge her at all. And still I wanted her. Not just in a sexual way either, although in that respect my desire was indeed overwhelming. No, there was much more to it than that. I just wanted to hold her and talk to her and be with her. There was no doubt in my mind I was falling in love with her, but there was also little doubt that things were happening too fast. And yet they were not happening fast enough. This is the paradox of the vampire. And I had no idea that I already had become what she was. If I had known that one simple fact, it would have changed everything, I think. But I did not know. And hindsight is 20/20. So I could not escape, any way you look at it.

	As I walked back towards the camp, I felt myself relaxing again. The tension I had built up was slowly easing down. As I came upon the camp, I noticed that only Helen, Brent and Adelaide were there. I opened my mouth to speak but Helen exclaimed, "Oh look, Addy! Bill has returned from the dead!" She laughed without realizing the irony of what she had said.

	I feigned a smile and replied, "I don't believe Addy wants to talk to me now."

	Adelaide whirled around with a look of fury in her eyes and shot back, "Don't you even presume to know what I want!" And she stood up and stormed off towards the ATV with an air of arrogance, but she averted her eyes from me as she left. As if she were ashamed. 

	Like there was anything she had to be ashamed of! I felt so small. I didn't have the audacity to follow her, as I slumped into a sitting position feeling more than a little ashamed myself. I sat there silently for several minutes, not really thinking about anything in particular. Then I heard her mind voice say to me, almost pleading, "It is unfair for me to keep using my mind voice, my love. Please come to me. I need you."

	And I replied, without saying a word, "No. I will not come. You must also respect my needs!" And I immediately felt a bit selfish for speaking to her like this, but I needed to assert myself. And I had spoken to her with my mind as easily as you can speak. And I felt strong! I could read her mind, I could read the minds of others. Hold it! I don't want to read peoples minds. That's not my gig. I have a mind of my own. And so I said to her, "Do not contact me in this way again. I will speak to you soon, my love." And even though she did not respond, I felt a surge of happiness come from her that was unmistakable. And I felt her smile. I had given her what she needed for now.

	It is not all that unusual for vampire lovers to speak to each other in this fashion on a regular basis. I know that this would be highly impractical for human lovers. Their unpure thoughts would certainly ruin otherwise healthy relationships. Except from what I now know, humans do not have healthy relationships. I am not so sure that vampires have healthy relationships, either. But I do know that our love is pure. This is something that can rarely be said of humans. I could never bring myself to love anyone but Adelaide, and that is pure. There is a part of her that lives inside me, and this is a real, measurable thing. When we swore our devotion to each other, well......read on and you'll see.

	It was about 4 P.M. and we all began to wonder whether Buck and Greg had any luck. Not having any way of knowing, we decided that it would be best if we started to prepare for another night under the stars. I was feeling much better and wanted to help, so I started gathering kindling for the cookfire. All we really needed were some smaller branches and twigs, which would be used to light the charcoal. Apparently, the charcoal lighter fluid was in the other ATV. I didn't mind doing this as it enabled me to take my mind off of everything else. It was a lovely day, having reached a high of about 75 degrees, I guessed. I knew also that tonight would be colder than the previous night, and that everyone was going to have to sleep closer together to conserve heat. I looked forward to laying beside Adelaide for a whole night. I just hoped I would be able to control my desires. I was not ready to sleep with her! I mean, if I felt this strongly just from kissing her, I knew that lovemaking was totally out of the question, for now. I needed to maintain some sort of reality.

	Perhaps it would be better if I slept early, then took watch. That way I could avoid sleeping with her altogether, at least for tonight. I decided that this would be a good course of action, and I resolved to get some sleep as soon as I had eaten a bit of food.